We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The uberlube is also flammable
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
