I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
