My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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