Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
