I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
