It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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