i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
