I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize