Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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