You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
