dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize