those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
