Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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