He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
