I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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