dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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