He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
