his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
