at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
