Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
