No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We are all done wearing pants today
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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