oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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