I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
