no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
