He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
