her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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