Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
