I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
