Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Buhtt sex?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
