I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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