he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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