After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
