I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dignity is for republicans.
organizing the empties. That sober.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
