I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
