once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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