Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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