whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
