Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
