1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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