Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
