It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
