cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
