i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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