can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
