I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
