Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
