thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
