I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
