sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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