3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
sarcasm needs its own font
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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