Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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