His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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