Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
