OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Barsexuality is the new black.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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