he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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