I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
