Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
