I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
