So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
