my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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