its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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