dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
