Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
