I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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