dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
