Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
