He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
